


Dib calls the Tallest

by Akzeal



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: (sorta) - Freeform, Bad Parent Professor Membrane, Biophilia, Calling, Canon-Typical Gore, Competent Tallest, Found Family, Gen, Mild Gore, Plants, Surgery, Talking, Teaching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 16,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27803398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akzeal/pseuds/Akzeal
Summary: Ever realize that the Tallest seem to have kept the line open for FOUR DAYS in Frycook What Came From All That Space? Why would they do that? How bored outta their minds did they have to be? And what might have come from it?Updates Monday and Wednesday.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Dib (Invader Zim) & Original Character(s), The Almighty Tallest & Dib
Comments: 94
Kudos: 170





	1. It's like... an anti-Zim?

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me and would NOT leave me alone. This is also my first solo-fic in a while, and I had a lot of fun with it, even not sure where I was going with it. This starts technically in the middle of Frycook.

It was… not actually that unusual for the faulty thing they had sent with Zim to call them. They had never figured out how or why, but… it was better than  _ Zim _ calling them. That didn't mean they cared about the apparent cheese-rocket, of course.

They were almost glad when the native shoved the robot aside. The first thing it said was just so much gibberish, the translator taking a bit to work out the new language- Yes, of course Zim had it in his files, but it wasn't like they were going to trust that!

The second set of words was clearer, a demand for coordinates, and it was Red, finally, who stopped just staring in confusion. "What would you even  _ do _ with them?" Red asked, blinking. He sounded weird through the translator.

"What?" the native- human, right- asked, and maybe it was startled by something? It should be- it wasn't every species who got to hear them in any other language! "What do you… mean?"

"If we give you the coordinates, what would you  _ do _ with them?" Purple asked, nodding a bit. This seemed entertaining!

The human paused, before frowning- ooh, he was mad now! "Well- I'll come stop you!" it- he?- declared.

"How?" Red asked, motioning around a little. "In case you haven't noticed, you're kinda stuck on your planet."

"I am not- hey! I'm asking the questions here, alien scum!"

"Ooh, feisty! You do realize who we are, right?" Purple said, laughing. "Well, whatever. You can have getting here- or, no, you wanted Irk's coordinates, didn't you? So, getting there. Whatever. Then what?"

"Yeah, tell us! We wanna know!" Red agreed, smiling welcomingly.

The human paused, blinking and so clearly confused. Zim had mentioned him, hadn't he? So the name should be in there… "Well. I'll. Stop you. You can't have Earth!"

Red and Purple looked at each other, and then Red spoke. "O-kay? ...You know, we don't actually care. We don't want it. It's, like, really far away from our area, you're not in a useful location, you don't have anything we want…"

"We're getting off track," Purple said. "You want to come all the way there- then what are you going to do? Land?"

"Y-yeah! Of course!" the human agreed. He was looking at Red rather oddly, and Red just smiled and waved back, nodding. "I- I guess I'd have to… fight off a lot of you scum…? I can do that- I fight off Zim all the time!"

"Fight? You really wanna fight, not sneak?" Red asked. "So, you're gonna fight through hoards of Elites… where are you going?"

"I'm going to find  _ you _ , you jerks!"

"Oh, then you want to go to the  _ Massive _ , we haven't been back to Irk in ages," Purple said. "You'll need to find a docking bay, then…"

“Don’t worry, there’s still hoards of Elites for you to fight through. This is really exciting- you don’t happen to have any puppets to explain this, do you?” Red said, outright encouraging. It was so  _ weird _ to talk to someone who openly hated them!

The human- they really did need a name for him, if they couldn’t remember one. Did it start with ‘d’?- was still staring at them, and yes, that had to be shock. And gratitude, they were pretty sure of that, only why was he grateful for their attention when he hated them?

“I- I’ll- You know, maybe sneaking is better. Give me a map- oh, oh, no, wait. Zim got those schematics, so… So I bet I know places to hide on your ship you don’t even know exist!” He cackled a bit, probably a sign of spending too much time with Zim- they had seen him in here a  _ lot _ , really. But there was nothing wrong with a good cackle!

“Is that taking into account that we don’t need to  _ breath _ ? That’s important to most races, you know. Half the service tunnels aren’t even pressurized. No point,” Purple pointed out.

A flashing caught Red’s eyes, and he frowned. “Hey- hey, human. This is actually super fun, and we wanna hear more, but Invader Chin just called. So if you want to keep talking to us, you’ll have to stay quiet until this call’s done.” The thing blinked, once again clearly startled, before opening his mouth- and shutting it again, covering it with his hands and nodding.

“Why can’t  _ Zim _ be that well behaved?” Purple muttered, before they shifted screens. Chin was doing well, it turned out, and just wanted more snacks, and maybe a crystalline power core. He got the core, and not the snacks, and Red was giggling as he hung up.

Switching screens back, they were met with the human’s face, mouth firmly shut and eyes big. Surprisingly, he was hanging on to the garbage SIR-unit, one hand over its mouth as well. It waved when it saw them, but otherwise this was easily the quietest they had seen it. And the human still wasn’t talking…

“Ah. The- the call’s done, so you can… proceed with your… questioning…” Purple said after a much too long moment. That seemed to be what the human was waiting for, because he let go of the robot and took a deep breath.

“...Why no snacks?” he asked, clearly puzzled- and it wasn’t a surprise the whole conversation had been translated for him, really. They hadn’t done anything to stop it!

Red shrugged. “All  _ real _ Invaders get supplies regularly. That includes snacks. Chin was just being greedy.”

“...Oh. What’s a… crystalline core…?”

“It’s an energy source. Good for all kinds of things- ships, microwaves, weapons… We got a lot here, you could probably find some when you’re sneaking around. That- that’s still your plan, isn’t it?” Purple answered, waving a hand airily.

“Uh. Ah. Yeah! Yeah, that’s… Um. Ooh… I mean, I should stop you, but… but think of all the cool things I could find- but they might notice- no, no, they would never- maybe if I paint myself green-” The answer turned into muttering, and that was honestly adorable, as well as pathetic. Then again, this  _ was _ a sub-adult, by all accounts.

“Paint wouldn’t help if someone talks to you,” Red pointed out.

What he wasn’t expecting was the human to look up at him and answer,  _ in Irken _ , “Naw, ‘m good. ...Mostly good…” His accent  _ was _ fairly atrocious, but he really shouldn’t have been intelligible at all. “...Kinda hurts my tongue, though,” he added, back in his native language. “Zim doesn’t know I know yet- better to hear his evil schemes, you know? And I  _ had _ to learn to do anything with Tak’s ship…”

“Wait, you actually have a  _ ship _ ? Well, it can’t be that…” Purple trailed off, and they were both trying to remember who Tak was.

“An  _ Irken _ ship that you- know how to fly? Seriously?” Red agreed, before grinning. “ _ And _ you learned Irken on your own? So… why does Zim still call your race dumb? Besides the fact that it’s  _ Zim _ …”

The human just… stared at them, strange pupiled eyes so big and- wet? Was he… “You- you- knock it off, you… alien scum! We- we’re not-” He paused, frowning, and missed the look Red gave Purple.

“Just because no-body noticed a  _ giant Irken spaceship _ broke right through the skool roof, no-one thinks it’s  _ weird _ that Zim- the only one with green skin!- got dragged away and  _ hasn’t come back _ , or that  _ Mars isn’t there _ any more, or- or-” He  _ was _ crying, rubbing his eyes furiously.

“Wow. You- you’re right, that… is… weird,” Purple said, carefully. They didn’t  _ care _ , of course, but it was pretty pathetic. “But- hey, Miz, you know… it’s not  _ all _ bad.”

That successfully distracted the human, and he was frowning at them now. “What do you- Hey, that’s not my name! I’m-”

“Smart enough not to tell your enemies how to find you, certainly,” Red broke in. They didn’t  _ care _ what his name was- and from the face he made, Zim knew exactly where he lived, but that also didn’t matter.

“So, since you’re kinda the anti-Zim, we’re gonna call you Miz,” Purple agreed. “And if you can fix a ship and get into Zim’s base, you can certainly figure out other things. Like force-fields, or holograms. Or reaching the  _ Massive _ and- what, are you gonna hit us?”

“Seriously, you’re trying to  _ earn _ respect, aren’t you?” Red said. “When, really, even just from this it’s obvious there’s no-one on that planet worth worrying about. Who cares what inferior beings think?” If they played this right, they could get entertainment for  _ years _ from this!

They spent most of the rest of the call- almost four days!- just doing their normal things. The only difference was the small screen following them around, much to the confusion of the bridge crew, but it wasn’t like it mattered. No-one was going to  _ ask _ . Even the human didn’t ask why they were showing him around, letting him listen in on Imperial matters. The few  _ really _ important things were done while he was sleeping, or eating- such weird, helpless things! 

Miz didn’t seem worried about his  _ own _ missing of the ‘skool’- training, that was obvious, but also far too generalized for him,  _ clearly _ . He was good at keeping Gir amused, too, and was even quiet when they told him to be- mostly because he knew it was another chance to listen in on things, probably. They were  _ even _ starting to wonder if, by some stroke of galactic luck, Zim was gone for  _ good _ .

  
That hope was shattered quite suddenly, with the Defective ‘invader’ showing up as bold and cheerful as ever, chasing Miz out of the base without even  _ considering _ that his Tallest had never activated the computer’s defenses, or even closed the call. It was exactly what they expected from him.


	2. Tak's Ship still Exists, you know.

It was some time later that they got another call- from Zim’s planet, but not from  _ him _ . When the display showed Miz, sitting in an Irken cockpit, but stationary, both Tallest smiled, waving.

“Hey, Miz- look at you! That would be Tak’s ship, right?” Purple greeted. A spittle runner, they had looked up- much better than a base Voot cruiser, but they were sure both ships had been modified beyond anything that could be predicted.

“You- remembered- ah. Y- yeah. I- her- personality download still doesn’t… And overwriting with mine didn’t- um.” Miz frowned, blinking, and looking so,  _ so _ startled. It was only there a moment, and then he was trying to look fierce. “What are  _ you _ doing, you evil jerks?”

“We’re going to start the Organic Sweep on Torenskim soon,” Red answered. “Not that there’s much point, all lifeforms just move through the twilight band forever, you can’t even call them civilized. Invader Nen got through them pretty quickly…”

“We’ll be able to generate all sorts of power from the thermal difference of the rotation, though!” Purple agreed.

“H- hey! Turning the planet into a generator isn’t worth-” While Miz started, Purple hit a few buttons. They knew when it worked by Miz’s reaction. “-What on earth is  _ that _ ?”

Red shrugged, letting the ship get the available information on the mindless eating machines. “Nothing on earth, Miz. Those are the ‘innocent Torenskimi’ you’re so outraged over. Seriously- these are as dangerous as Zim’s blob- we learned that lesson, none of these are gonna be kept.”

“But- but they still-” Miz was going through the information, light reflecting off his lenses enough that they could see he was just reading the straight Irken. “...Er. Okay. They just… eat and… make more… But you still don’t have to take over the planet!”

“Every civilization needs power, Miz. And do you  _ want _ these left alive so someone can try exporting them where they shouldn’t and-”

“It would be the end of the world… They’d just keep…” Miz interrupted, and normally Purple would be  _ really _ upset about that. Given that their point was being made, he let it go this time.

“Exactly, Miz. Exactly. So, we get this done, celebrate Invader Nen a bit- it’s a pity you can’t share any of our snacks, I guess,” Red agreed. Miz didn’t answer, which was  _ also _ annoying, still busy going through the information and data, and it was kind of cute when he tried to access the  _ Massive _ ’s systems for more. They allowed a limited amount, mostly to keep the human distracted while they moved down to the celebration, viewscreen following on hover-jets.

There were more than a few curious looks, but no-one questioned them, and it was clear Miz remembered his lessons from their first call. He made the occasional soft noise, and they could hear him taking notes, the sound familiar from the first time, but the human managed not to speak or draw attention to himself. In return, both Tallest were willing to shift just a little and make sure the viewscreen had the best views- but of course, it  _ was _ right next to them, so of course it would!

And then they were done, Nen left with his victory and the promise of another planet later, and the Tallest started throwing off their extra armor when a soft sound from Miz reminded them he was still there.

“What are you  _ doing _ \- And why did he- his uniform was different, and-” There were the questions, just as expected.

“There’s, like, a dozen different parts that make up the full uniform. Probably more. But only six are required at any given point to  _ count _ ,” Purple answered, before deciding he really didn’t care, and they were assured of a break.

“And, you know, our armor’s not exactly  _ comfortable _ . So, no-one’s going to break in on us- from our side.” Red shrugged. “Sure, you’re going to come for us- we  _ know _ that, Miz, so you don’t have to remind us- but you’re not here  _ yet _ .”

  
“Oh. I-” The lighting on his face changed, and Miz’s eyes grew wide. “Igottagobyelater!” he managed, all in one breath, before flipping a switch and ending the call. That was unexpected, but… Well, neither Tallest could say they were  _ upset _ about having this time to themselves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now might be a good time to point out, I'm imagining these Tallest more like the were in Nightmare Begins- that is to say, with space for organs. Not snap-like-a-twig thin.


	3. Everyone is a jerk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is, in fact, where the plot really starts.

It was less time later, this time, when Miz called them. It was shortly after a call from Zim, actually, and it was a bit startling to see how damaged the human looked. At the same time, none of the damage actually looked like anything they had seen Zim cause before. "Zim's a real jerk, you know that? ...Er, I… guess you actually do. You're jerks too."

"Did you… call just to tell us that?" Red asked, one antenna up questioningly.

" _ No _ ," Miz answered, doing something strange with his eyes- like he was looking in a circle. "I called to ask how to take apart a- what's this- z-xhundred general implosion device. I stole it from Zim, and he's probably told you all about that…"

“No… he left that part out,” Purple answered. “You know, he always tries to make it sound like he’s winning and doing amazing?”

“Apparently his ‘real goal’ this time was to make  _ you _ spill your lunch. I gather the fight happened after that?” Red said, scoffing.

The human looked down, and to one side- that was embarrassment if they had ever seen it- before shaking his head a little, one hand coming up to poke his face. “No… Well, yeah- but not- I grabbed this and ran away. And then Chunk jumped me for picking on the green kid, and this got dropped and caused a bit of structural damage, so skool’s closed for a week, but really, Chunk was just looking for an excuse, he picks on Zim just as much, but I figured this time I could… maybe try getting back at him and- hey! Why am I telling  _ you _ any of this, you evil aliens!”

“Be...cause… we don’t…  _ care _ if you get back at this… person? Though it sounds like you don’t want anything lethal, so the imploser really isn’t the best device.” Red nodded as he spoke, and it was natural to act as though they  _ did _ know why this human was telling them his problems. They  _ were _ supposed to be all knowing, after all!

“Yeah. What you need is some fire salts. ...But do you even know how to synthesize anything? It’s a pretty easy formula…” Purple agreed, also nodding.

“...My… dad insisted Gaz and I… I mean, I’ll have to get the… But he’ll be thrilled…” Miz wasn’t talking to  _ them _ , anymore, not really, and that was  _ just fine _ . They were trying to remember what a ‘dad’ was. “...I still need to know how to take this apart. It’s not safe the way it is.”

“Oh, that’s easy, just disconnect the- waaiiit a minute. You probably can’t see enough. In that case, just stab it and back up as fast as you can. Not nearly as much to salvage, but much less risk of dying,” Purple answered. A moment later he sent over the formula for one of the more controversial flavorings of the Empire. People either loved it or hated it.

“I have  _ one _ question, Miz,” Red said, when it seemed that the human might just take the information and hang up. “You said one of your own kind did this. But… haven’t you  _ fought _ Zim? And as much as he’s terrible, he  _ can _ fight…” He wasn’t able to keep his antennae from flinching back for a moment as he gave something like praise.

Oooh, and that question got a  _ reaction _ . Miz flinched, looking away. When he looked back, his jaw was set, but a slight hunch to his stance read very much like fear. “Yeah, and Zim also doesn’t have  _ parents _ to make a big deal of it, and that’s really none of your business,  _ alien scum _ ,” Miz growled out- and how fascinating, that he was scared of his own kind, so demonstratively inferior to him, but not of  _ them _ .

“So be more  _ clever _ ,” Red answered, softly- it was enough to make the human’s eyes widen again, but the call was cut before they saw anything more.


	4. 13th Emergence

The call after that, Miz told them how Chunk had run from the cafeteria crying. And how Zim had recognized the flavoring, shouted about it, and actually got detention for it. The next time, he called them about a stun gun, and babbled about catching some monster with it. The time after that, he was asking about night vision and ocular implants- only Miz didn’t seem to consider actually  _ implanting _ them.

They had a whole  _ thing _ happening before they realized it. They  _ liked _ taking calls from Miz, and he wasn’t being nearly as insulting. He had interesting and weird ideas. He  _ listened _ to them, and that was only weird because he wasn’t culturally programmed to, yet. They even had a special chime for his calls.

He was in the ship, as usual, and fiddling with something, which was new, when he called them this time. “...Hey, guys,” he murmured when he saw them- Honestly, neither Tallest remembered ever actually giving Miz their names, but of course he’d heard them. And of course he wasn’t giving them their proper title- it was rare enough not to be called some insult.

“Hey, Miz. ...You look like someone stole all your snacks…” Purple greeted, frowning. They’d never seen the human this subdued before!

“No… ...It’s just… stupid human stuff. I know better- ugh.” Miz stood, enough to hurl whatever he’d been fiddling with out of the cockpit. He sort of slipped back into the chair when he was done, brief flash gone. “I just thought I should… I dunno. Tell you or warn your or… something. I won’t be able to call as often…”

They didn’t like that, and didn’t bother hiding the fact. Miz was fun, and weirdly not terrible! “Why not? We  _ like _ it, and you’re not even putting your planet in danger,” Red asked, while Purple was still sorting through the implications. “And no-one there is smart enough to  _ believe _ you, anyway, so they shouldn’t care about that!”

“That’s exactly the  _ problem _ ! Dad could come in here right now, and see this, see both of you, and  _ still _ declare you’re just… just humans with a skin condition and pink eye! Or purple eye… And I’m just his poor, insane son, a teenager now, who still believes in aliens and monsters, and has no interest in real science, who can’t do anything right and is wasting my potential and-” Miz huffed, outburst fading. “...I have to move the ship. He’s been talking about getting rid of it for a while, so I’m going to have to find a place, and… I won’t be able to slip away as much. I’ve got to the end of the skool-year to hide the ship, and some of my other stuff, and…”

“So build a view-screen,” Purple pointed out. “It has the schematics…” He paused, and clicked, still working out the rest of that whole… rant.

"What do you mean by 'teenager'?" Red asked. "Would you still have to hide things if you  _ were _ doing 'real science'? And not talking about aliens?" They'd had part of this conversation already, but it was apparent that Miz hadn't really taken it in.

“...It wouldn’t matter. Anything I make- He’s marketing that fire salt, you know. Some people like it- It’s not bad, I guess. Or the water-gun I made- I guess it doesn’t have much practical use, but… He takes credit for all the ideas of his employees, he’d take credit for my ideas, and  _ still _ think I’m insane.” Miz sighed, rubbing his face. “Mm. I guess ‘teenager’ doesn’t translate. Weird. It's… an age thing. I'm thirteen now- it's actually my birthday, not that it matters. But I guess it means I'm not a 'kid'- er, smeet?"

“Thirteen…  _ years _ ?” Purple asked.

“Human years- But, wait, if you’re an adult, you’d just say that- Teenagers still aren’t adults?” Red agreed.

“And even if you behave like a perfect little drone for him, your… ‘dad’ won’t change his opinion? Are you beholden to him into adulthood as well?” Purple asked again.

“Which is stupid- You do actually need to stop Zim.  _ We _ might not care about Earth, but  _ you _ do, and he’s kinda got a track record…” Red added.

Miz just made a  _ sound _ , breath catching, and he was  _ probably _ going to start crying again, but… That was a lot more understandable, now. “I- I… technically… when I turn eighteen, but… but Dad’s… He’s…” He looked up, meeting their gaze on the screen in the way they all three usually avoided, before speaking again. “He’s kind of like you. Not  _ officially _ , but… In every other way. Everyone loves him, they’ll do what he says, and if he says I’m crazy and unemployable…”

“And you…  _ don’t _ want to kill him or take over like that…” Purple filled in, partially checking a hypothesis. They still couldn’t work out how any human could fail to see the promise of someone who could repair an Irken space-ship alone- Miz clearly wasn’t ‘insane’ to the point of being Defective, and so what did it  _ matter _ if he left his post now and then to fight? Especially when, from all appearances, it was just  _ one person _ he fought, a person who could hold his own  _ and _ didn’t mind it? Really, it was just a matter of adjusting expectations, at this point.

“Wha- of  _ course _ not, you jerk!”

“Hey, hey- I know, I know- Dads are really confusing to us, okay?” Purple defended, frowning.

Red nodded. “Anyway- before a mission can start, the parameters have to be clear. Even if it is restating obvious information. So, your choices are continue as you are, become what ‘Dad’ wants, or find a third option, right?” He waited, and Miz nodded slowly. “Good. Now. Continuing as you are is hopeless- he’ll have you declared Defective and removed eventually. Becoming what he wants is intolerable-  _ and _ leaves Zim free, and believe me, no-one wants  _ that _ .”

Miz nodded again, slower even. There were questions behind his eyes, the Tallest had gotten good at noticing that, but he didn’t ask them. They would come later, for sure, but that was okay. What mattered now was that he was listening. “...So what’s a third option…?” Miz asked, hesitantly.

“You infiltrate, isolate, and implement,” Red answered, with a little grin. “Infiltration will be easy- you let him  _ think _ you’re doing what he wants. You’ll still get free time, so you can use that for education and stopping Zim. Then you isolate- once you know the way the power flows, find the ways to cut it off. Cast doubt. Little statements, some  _ mistakes _ that make them look bad- you saw how  _ that _ worked with the fire salts, didn’t you? Redirect so the power’s flowing at  _ you _ , too, that’s always helpful. You’ll have the information, that’s the key thing. And then you just… implement all the changes you need. Dad wouldn’t even have to  _ know _ it’s all going through you, would he?”

“The thing is, you have to know your targets will  _ never _ realize it was you who brought them down- at least not until it’s too late, but since you’re not wanting to hurt anyone…” Purple shrugged at that, because what else could be said, really?

Miz stared at them, and then looked at something past them, in the way of one looking into memories. “Infiltrate, isolate- That sounds a lot like what Zim’s supposed to be doing…” he said, finally, neither a question nor an accusation.

Red smiled. “Of course it does, Miz. You should tell his computer to run you some political simulations- and mix up some healing gel, too. There’s no point in doing things by halves.”

“It should be smart enough to remember us talking with you, but if not, just let us know, hey?” Purple agreed. “And… even comparatively, you’re still younger than you should be for this. So don’t worry about needing a little extra help.” That wasn’t even going into the fact that Miz was an inferior race…

“...Why- you’re still not getting Earth, you creeps…” Miz said, but they knew enough, of people in general and Miz himself by now, to recognize mere noise when they heard it. He recognized it too, looking away after a moment and typing on the keyboard just off screen. Reflected in his lenses they could see the schematics for a basic communication screen, and knew they had won- Though again, it wasn’t like it  _ mattered _ …

“Of course not. But you can’t very well come to the  _ Massive _ and take us on with only  _ those _ two choices,” Purple said, waving his hand a bit in dismissal. “Really, Miz. You are the only thing standing between  _ everyone _ and Zim. And I mean that literally! You got this, you’re doing fine!”

“Oh, oh- and happy emergence!” Red added, to Purple’s nodding. It was enough to make Miz smile, an actual, slow smile, before ending the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Melas so eloquently put it in a comment, that awkward moment when genocidal dictators are better parents to you then your own. *grin*


	5. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. find out what it means to me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib's been pushing, and he finally gets called out on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! I've loved reading all the reviews- I love how many of you picked up on the unconscious adoption going on. In honor of that, I'm adding the 'found family' tag earlier than planned!

The next call was short, Miz just making sure that he’d made the screen right. After that, things were awkwardly quiet, with only short check-ins. At some point, Zim discovered that Miz- apparently actually ‘Dib’, but who cared about that?- had been using his stuff. He assured them it was a one-time thing, and they didn’t mention that they had already got five, different, improving, scores from the computer on Miz’s behalf. It was  _ funny _ .

“You know the worst part?” Miz was saying, on the latest call. They weren’t sure where he was- some place they hadn’t seen, which was most of his world, really. From the way he sat, and the lack of natural light, he was probably indoors, and it was night- humans liked their natural light. If it was night, it was  _ likely _ his bedroom, and Purple  _ was _ interested in the implications of that.

“No, what’s the worst part?” Red asked. “Zim knowing you’re talking to us? He doesn’t, of course…”

Miz gave a wry little smile at that, before shaking his head with a deliberate little click of his own. He was likely doing that to try and sneak in better- or maybe because he was practicing his Irken for these calls, they weren’t actually sure. “No, not that. At least- I meant for me, because it’s not like  _ you _ have anything really at stake- Okay, okay,  _ aside _ from Zim coming back. Man, you  _ really _ don’t like him… Jerks.”

“Do you have a point?” Red asked, waiting.

That was enough to make Miz sigh, before motioning a little, shifting the angle of the screen so they could see more of his room. “All this. I mean, I don’t think it’s what you’d  _ expect _ from me, and you never even saw it. But Dad’s not even  _ questioning _ . He’s just… ‘So glad you saw reason, son’ and ‘Good thing there’s no aliens to invade today, huh? We’re making  _ jam! _ ’, in those  _ stupid _ \- Like it was a forgone conclusion.”

“Like you’re his doll,” Purple agreed. “And everyone follows his lead, don’t they?”

“...Yeah. Which does at least make ‘infiltration’ easier…” Miz agreed.

Purple nodded, chewing a donut thoughtfully. “...Hey, Miz. Why do you call him Dad? I mean- we’re shaky on the whole thing, but… from the sounds of it, has he actually…  _ done _ anything… dad-like? And before you say anything about genetic donor, that’s… just biology. It wasn’t even planned, so the amazing success that you are can’t be replicated, unless you’re a lot further along than it seems…”

There was a long pause after that, and then Miz frowned, with a twist to his lips that meant anger as well. “Shut up. You’re right, you  _ are _ shaky on it, so just… Shut up.”

“You know,  _ Miz _ , you  _ have _ asked us some pretty rude questions too! Pur’ wasn’t even trying to be rude- we’re trying to  _ understand _ , and you’ve got the  _ luxury _ of just not answering, so-” Purple’s hand on his arm stopped Red’s snap, but it was still enough for Miz to curl into a smaller ball.

“...You’re right. You’re- I’m just- It really hurt, okay? And I think half the time he forgets he  _ has _ a son, so I don’t even know why-”

“...We were still sorry to see Tallest Spork go, and he was just ineffective. ...Look, that’s the closest we can manage. Just- You can’t keep doing that, Miz,” Purple said.

The human sighed, rubbing a fist across his eyes. “Yeah. I know. I guess I should stop calling you jerks, too. Even when you  _ are _ …”

“Yeah, that would help,” Red agreed, still upset.

“...I call him Dad because I’m used to it, and everyone says I should,” Miz said after a moment more. It was giving, without a true surrender, but it was enough to pacify Red. The cheese curl Purple offered helped a lot with that, too.

“Well. Everyone says  _ we _ should be called Tallest,” Purple said, the closest they had come to addressing that topic with Miz at  _ all _ .

“Yeah, but I’m not even sure if that’s- I- I mean, Dad- er. P- professor Membrane… is… I think he’s about as tall as you…” And the human  _ was _ trying to be… less insulting, at least. He took direction so  _ well _ , especially for such a limited species.

“Sure, yeah, but he’s- oh. Oh, okay, yeah… Well, but still, you don’t care what ‘everyone’ says about us, so…” Red shrugged, his point quite thoroughly lost.

“We mean, it’s a work in progress. But hey, you’re doing pretty good getting in, right? And you’re not going to  _ hurt _ him- you’re keeping him safe,” Purple agreed. “You even  _ tried _ doing things your way- you still are, mostly…”

“It’s not  _ your _ fault he won’t listen.” Red said, nodding firmly.

Miz nodded, slowly. “Yeah. It’s… it’s not, is it. And I’m not… hurting anyone. Except maybe Zim’s stupid face…”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!”

“You got this, Miz! And hey, your scores are great.”

“Yeah, seriously.” Purple nodded, and the praise was obviously helping- Miz was smiling now, and more, he looked  _ confident _ again. He even waved before ending the call!


	6. It’s like he’s a fucking weed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Dib settles on a name for the Tallest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, happy holidays, all! Also- it's been brought to my attention that some people may be concerned about the name 'Miz'. I assure you, Dib is quite okay with it, he sees it as a nickname, or a code name. He's not going to change his name legally, or make anyone else use it, but he kinda likes the Tallest using it, and at this point it would just be weird if they called him anything else.  
> Also, I put his birthday sometime around February or March, for no specific reason. Anyway, thank you for your support and comments, and please, enjoy!

They knew skool had ended for the year because Zim told them. On Miz's part, summer brought unexpected silence, with only a double-handful of calls, none of which lasted more than a few minutes at a time.

They found themselves  _ wanting _ to hear from Zim. From his rants, complaints, and nonsense, they at least we're able to piece together what was happening. Dad- the Professor- was keeping Miz busy, enough that the human barely had time to even stop Zim, and no time at all for himself, which was vital even for adults!

It was a surprise, months later, when Miz called them again- noticeably thinner, and possibly taller? He smiled when he saw them, rubbing the back of his neck. "Hey there, Tíos. Er- does that work? I at least had time to think-"

"And not much else, if those reports were real… Is personal time just not a thing to this guy? Are you  _ okay _ , Miz?" Purple said, smiling. 'Tío' wasn't translating, but it didn't sound rude, and that was enough.

"...Not… No, his idea of personal time is… just working on new inventions. Skool starting will give me the excuse of homework…" Miz rubbed his face, then gave a little laugh. "Sorry about… leaving you with Zim…?"

"Eh… We were able to figure out what was going on, and he was mostly amusing. not asking for anything, at least, so it's been worse," Red said, waving away the worry. "So, you're going back to skool. What's your report for this summer?"

Miz chuckled at that, and held up some paper, marked in his language, as well as some Irken. "Well. Funny you should ask, Tío. I have to tell everyone at skool, too, it's dumb. Mostly we covered theoretical physics- I regret to inform you that your FTL is theoretically impossible. And as you can see, I 'invented' a cipher to keep my notes secret…" That explained the Irken.

"Of course it's theoretically impossible- yeah, we go faster than light when needed, but we also kinda… dodge it?" Purple said, looking at the paper. The human language looked weird! "You know Zim'll point out you didn't invent Irken."

Miz frowned, then nodded. "Ugh, yeah. I guess… well, everyone thinks we're friends… ugh. Okay, we worked together on it… I use it too much now to  _ not _ explain…" He sighed, then shrugged. "Anyway. That, and better energy generation- and paint, weirdly enough. I don't get that one, but I'll work on it more."

“How’s your species doing on nano-tech? Zim said  _ something _ , but it was kinda… weird…” Purple said, before wondering just why that made Miz embarrassed.

“Otherwise there’s always metals you can add to paint to make it fairly laser-resistant. Same’s true of fabrics…” Red pointed out- and Miz’s embarrassment vanished just like that.

“Of course! Zim’s uniform- and Tak’s, too, come to think of it- but I haven’t actually come up with-” Miz was writing something down, anyway, and didn’t seem to realize he was speaking. It was a  _ bad _ habit.

Red called him on it by hissing, the human’s head snapping up, eyes wide, before he ducked. “S- sorry, Tíos. ...Yeah…”

“It’s good that you feel comfortable, but he’s right- you can’t forget what you’re doing like that, Miz,” Purple agreed.

“And anyway- are you debating the  _ morals _ of using every tool at your disposal in pursuit of your mission?” Red asked, still a bit hissy. “They are  _ there _ , and your  _ fate _ rests on this.”

Purple nodded. “The only thing you should really worry about, Miz, is making sure that you can either give something  _ better _ in phase two, or can undo this and then relieve whatever problems that creates. We  _ know _ you understand that.”

Miz reddened, chastised, but also sat up straighter, nodding. “I- I do understand. I…” He frowned, eyes moving for a moment as he considered before he looked back at them. “I was worried about… upsetting you…”

“Aaw, Miz… Okay, those are good instincts, but again- these tools are there. At least take inspiration or something. And if you come up with anything better, leave it for us!” Red answered, immediately softened.

“Well, us and yourself. You  _ are _ at a disadvantage with Zim- well, you would be, normally…” He  _ should _ be, only maybe they were somehow expecting too much of the Defect? Purple considered the idea for a second, before dismissing it. No, this was  _ Zim _ … and clearly, it just meant that Miz was just  _ that good _ .

“Ugh, I know… Oh, that reminds me! Um…” Miz paused, thinking, before speaking more carefully. “I… understand this… might be a sensitive topic, so… But humans have growth spurts, and I know that it tends to… make us… clumsy and awkward-” Both Tallest were nodding, because that really was the case! “-And hurts. Can hurt. But I’m… gonna need to fight Zim, so… Is there any… advice or… anything you could… er. Suggest?”

“Stretching? Staying active, any medications…” Purple answered, though there wasn’t any real definitive answer, even for them.

“Combat training, something to keep you aware of the changes. You’ll probably get a bit of that, but directed study never hurt,” Red added, nodding.

Then they both froze, clicking a bit. The human hadn’t  _ hit _ his growth yet? Granted, he was only the size of Zim, and they knew adults were taller, but… to the point of growing pains being  _ common _ for the species? That couldn’t be right…!

“-bout what I expected, I suppose. Well, I guess I can see about taking up something… Thanks, I… guess- um. Are you…?”

Purple shook his head, refocusing on Miz and already smiling. “Naw, we’re fine, we’re fine. We… just… remembered an appointment. Nothing major, not a big deal.”

“Y- yeah! Sorry we couldn’t actually help with that one, Miz,” Red nodded. For a moment, they wondered if the human would call them on the lie- he didn’t seem to believe it, really. Then again, he was looking at Red, so maybe it was the apology- nothing they could do about it now!

“Yeah- no, it’s okay, Tíos. It was a long-shot. Ah. good luck with the meeting, or whatever…” Miz agreed, waving before the screen went dark.


	7. It’s actually called a ‘birthday’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another birthday, and a surprise visit. As Jasperrz put it, 'dib: dad that is inferior in every single way, meet my better alien dads. better alien dads, meet dad that is inferior in every single way.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know a few of you have been looking forward to this. I hope it's sufficent!

They got no real answers during the whole next Earth skool-year. Miz called them, but mostly he was obviously busy, either keeping Zim busy, complaining about take-home work, doing what the professor wanted, or finding time for his own side projects. It was amusing watching him complain about how poorly the fabric he was working on took colors other than purples and magentas, but they were sure he would figure out how to overcome  _ that _ limitation.

Almost before they knew it, they were alerted that Earth’s calendar was in the same place it had been last year, on what Miz had called his ‘birthday’. They had listened a little more to Zim’s rants, so knew a little more about ‘birth’ instead of ‘emergence’- and that was  _ so weird _ , and gross! It was also a special day for just about any sapient creature, though, and they took the initiative, calling Miz themselves.

He answered after a bit of a wait, in a white room they hadn’t seen before. “Wha- Tíos? Why did you-  _ you’ve _ never called  _ me _ …”

“Is it a bad time, Miz?” Red asked- an actual question, because they didn’t want to cause him troubles. He was useful… And entertaining! And… actually pretty smart, and polite now that he was trying…

“No- It’s Saturday, I’m in the lab. D- the Professor shouldn’t be in until a bit later, so it’s… all good on my end,” Miz answered, smiling a bit. Maybe he was realizing what an honor it was for them to  _ call _ , beyond just staying on the line.

“Ooh, you never show us this!” Purple cooed, moving a bit as though that would help him see around Miz. Red sighed, while the human looked amused.

“It’s your Emergence Day again, right? Fourteen?” Red asked, taking a sip of his drink.

Miz… looked like he might cry at the question, smiling even so. “You- you  _ remembered _ ? But… Ah. Yes, it’s… It’s my birthday…”

“Of  _ course _ we remembered, Miz. You’re doing us a  _ service _ .”

“Of course, you’re doing it for the sake of your planet,” Purple cut in, “but most great services are selfishly motivated. We can accept  _ that _ . Ultimately, we still benefit, you do too, so it’s all for the better.”

Miz frowned a little at that, probably because his moral system was both different and inferior, before nodding a little. “I… think I see. One moment, please, I want to make a note…” Red waved permission, and Miz set the screen down to grab for paper. He was writing something, from how he moved, but they couldn’t see more than part of the human and a very good view of the ceiling.

The screen moved a moment later, Miz grimacing. “Sorry, Tíos. I’ll make a stand, I should have- anyway, I wanted to look something up. If it’s interesting, I’ll show you, okay?”

“That sounds good,” Purple agreed, wondering what in the universe Miz might be considering. And they were all enjoying the conversation so much that no-one noticed the new steps until the screen was plucked from Miz’s hand and turned to a new face- one a worrying distance off the floor.

“Oh, and what’s this, son? A video call?” the person said- Dad, the professor, it had to be, with most of his face hidden between a coat and googles, and barely enough context clues to see the genetic similarity.

“Give that back!” Miz cried, before the screen moved again- out of his reach, most likely.

“Ah, hello- Are you friends with my son? Mm… you look like that little green boy, only…” He was looking at them, and the Tallest knew that, for all his assumptions, this human  _ was _ quite intelligent.

Red moved, slipping to one side to press buttons, while Purple swept forward, smiling and making sure to fully engage the Professor’s attention. “Hello,  _ hello _ ! You must be Professor- ah, Membrane, yes- We have heard quite so much about you!” He made sure to make it  _ sound _ as though it had been positive- and yes, he could see the human eating it like the finest delicacy.

“Oh, you have- well, yes, of course. I suppose everyone has…”

“I’ve told them about the paint,” Miz broke in, clearly trying to draw attention away, and that was understandable. He didn’t have cause or programming to trust them as implicitly as he ought to, but he was also smart enough not to outright lie.

“Yes, it’s quite interesting,” Purple agreed, before Red straightened, giving a very soft click. “We were also testing our costumes- Though you are right, we did meet- ah, your son, through Zim…” He made a motion, and knew that it looked as though he were taking off his antennae, somehow, through Red’s programming. They had seen Zim’s disguise, after all, and had some idea of what ‘normal’ could mean!

“Costum- ooh! Oh, I see- Yes, I should make the paint skin-safe, shouldn’t I? Unless you’re working on that, son?” They were pretty sure that Membrane was smiling, and caught a soft click of surprise from Miz.

“Y- yeah- well. Sort of, there is makeup- I mean- of course?” Miz answered, and they could just hear the bewilderment in his voice. They didn’t  _ like _ it- though it could very easily be because the Professor had just suggested  _ paint _ for skin. Unless the words translated very differently!

“There’s a whole lot of other stuff he can do, too, you know. You should let him have his own projects this summer, let him go wild for a little,” Red said, with his own smile.

They could see the doubt in his stance, and it was kind of funny how closely Membrane’s reactions matched those of their own people. Miz’s did too, but they assumed that was closeness to Zim, really. “Ah, well, I’m not sure…”

“Nonsense,” Purple broke in. “We know what you’re worried about, of course- remember? We’ve heard it  _ all _ from Zim… But no-one can grow when they’re being watched like a- prisoner all the time.” He let his smile have an edge, just for a moment, too see what would happen.

“Now, look, I don’t know if I appreciate your insinuation. Though… I suppose maybe…” Membrane looked away, and down, probably towards Miz, and it was easy to see where the younger human had gotten the habit of trailing off and ignoring people! It didn’t last  _ as _ long, and then he was looking at them, smiling. “Well, I suppose more friends  _ is _ a good sign. Anyway, it’s been wonderful talking to you, but I only had five minutes spare and wanted to see what my son was working on. The viewscreen is old technology, but I suppose it’s a start.”

The screen was handed back to Miz, who was so clearly hurt by Membrane’s statement. The older human didn’t notice, patting Miz on the head before walking away, leaving them in awkward silence.

It only lasted a moment, and then Miz was sighing, and blinking a little more than normal. “...Sorry. I should have known he could sneak in, I- Wow, it’s… it’s odd seeing you like that…”

“He is a rude,  _ rude _ man,” Purple said, while Red stored away the settings and removed them. “Even  _ we _ don’t pluck things out of our scientists’ hands. And not just because half of them are bombs of some kind…”

“Hm… say, if a new power core for a Spittle showed up, you’d have time to install it, right? Of course it still won’t be enough for FTL…” Red asked, glancing up- and there, Miz was relaxing again, though he still hurt. And of course he did- dismissing research like that was known to get scientists killed from rivalries, too!

“...Is… that… a birthday present, or… an attempt to make me feel better, Tío?” Miz asked, doubtful. “And what does it… matter? I’m not… I’m not…”

Purple shrugged. “Well, you’ve had some space battles, right? I mean, you  _ have _ to have. Consider it a reward for your service, okay?”

“...My selfish… Right.” Miz paused, then laughed, lighting up slowly. “Yeah. I’ll be able to install it, I’m sure. And. Ah. It wasn’t…  _ only _ Zim who… took control of your ship a few years back?”

“Wow,” Red said. “You  _ really _ shouldn’t admit that too loud. ...Though we knew it. There were at least three pilots, so… The last had to be his robot. There was cause. So, past is past, whatever. You’ve got paint to work on. ...And maybe a biometric scanner or something…”

Miz straightened, nodding- and oh, good, he could recognize an order when it was given, even in soft form! “Yes, Tío. ...Thank you, Tíos. This is officially the best birthday so far.” He smiled, and they hung up, and it was only after the line was dead for minutes that Purple spoke.

“Well, celery sticks. We’ve started to  _ care _ for him, haven’t we?”


	8. Ugh. I think I might like this thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib has a discussion regarding ethics.

Nothing really changed with the realization. They might  _ like _ the human boy, but that didn’t mean they could show him  _ favoritism _ \- okay, well, they  _ could _ , but they were trying to be more fair. It sucked, to be honest.

And they  _ were _ already showing a lot of favoritism, really, always answering his calls, making time- even the few occasions where they could only explain that they  _ didn’t _ have time, they still explained. Neither of them commented on that, and neither did the bridge crew, though the Tallest  _ had _ noticed a few unconscious salutes when Miz called them now.

“Hola, Tíos! Mm… Do you have the time or inclination for a bit of a philosophy discussion?” Miz started this time, grinning brightly. It was a week into summer vacation, by now, and so this call was a good sign!

“Ooh- that sounds fun!” Purple agreed, settling in a little. He glanced at Red, who sighed and dropped his antennae a little. “Well.  _ I _ think it sounds fun. He might not pay as much attention…” Purple laughed, while Red pretended to pout a bit.

“Er… Sorry, Tío…” Miz said, though he was anything  _ but _ sorry. He also paused, and it was certain he wanted to use a name, something to differentiate between them, but he held off. “Ah- well. Anyway… I… I looked up what you said? About… some services being… selfish? Ah- for humans, of course…” He looked around, realizing that they were, in fact, on the bridge. Miz turned bright red at that, a really  _ weird _ response to embarrassment, and that was funny. It had never stopped him before!

“Ah- right, you took the notes! And what did you  _ find _ , Miz?” Purple asked, hands folded under his chin.

Miz gave a little smile, and they could practically  _ see _ the way his antennae would sweep forward. “It’s actually a thing! I- I mean, a documented thing, for humans. It’s- we call it selfish altruism…”

“Well, nothing’s  _ really _ altruistic, Miz- though you’re not the only younger species to think that. If you’re looking just at the biological benefits, it starts okay…” Purple agreed, eyes glittering as he leaned forward a bit, as serious as he ever was. “But it feels  _ good _ to do the ‘right thing’. Even if you’re the only one who knows… the hit of chemicals, it’s a rush, isn’t it? And perfectly natural…”

“Not that praise isn’t also a good feeling,” Red broke in, paying more attention than he pretended.

“...Yeah,” Miz agreed, with a rush of shame, but it was also buoyed by pride. “I- I do wish my own species would… but, well, wish in one hand- ah. You… probably don’t want to hear the rest of that. ...Younger… species? So most… most already…?”

“Yeah, most species work it out by the time they hit space.  _ We _ always knew, of course,” Purple answered- and pretended not to recognize Miz’s little headshake.

“But doesn’t that make it… harder? I mean…”

“Harder? Realizing that everyone wants to make themselves feel good? ...Let me guess, Membrane’s not big on social sciences, is he? But understanding that unlocks everything, Miz- especially when you realize those little chemicals, the ones that are based on feeling good, even override fear or pain, sometimes. Why loyalty matters, why morals shouldn’t be compromised…”

“...Why some people betray everything, and others don’t…  _ oh _ .” Miz made, honestly, the cutest little open-mouthed face as he realized that, and then Purple broke in before there was  _ too _ much more thought.

“Of course, it matters what you’re loyal to. Even in our own history, there’s been cases of someone giving all their loyalty, their  _ life _ , for a leader that just… betrayed everything they stood for….”

“Obviously, the distant past,” Red added, nodding. “When we still fought our own kind, or… naively trusted the species that seemed to be better. We know what we are, now, and have followed the same ideals for  _ ages _ .”

Miz took a breath, opening his mouth- and then shook his head a little again, with a glance around that suggested he would ask  _ that _ question later, in private. A moment later, and he asked something else. “The ideals of taking over every planet you see?” His voice was carefully neutral, and the question still caused shifting among the crew.

“Oh, it’s not every planet, Miz. Blorch’s rat people only wanted to eat  _ everything _ , Vort is to blame for the deaths of  _ two _ previous Tallest, Meekrob was  _ insistent _ that we aren’t  _ people _ due to no longer using ‘natural’ reproduction…” Red flicked his antennae with a shrug, dismissing the entire planet.

There was a pause, and then Miz nodded, moving his entire upper body enough for it to be seen. “I see. And… I’m just asking this for myself, Tíos, to be sure I understand… You just sent Zim towards Earth to… keep him away?”

“Ye-eess… Well, if he  _ does _ get to the stage of implementation, we’d… have to… do  _ something _ …” Purple answered.

“Not that it would matter to you, by then,” Red agreed.

  
Miz nodded again, and this one  _ was _ nearly a bow. “I do believe I understand completely, Tíos. Selfish, egotistical altruism… Well. Thank you for freeing up my summer, and I’m not going to fail.” He smiled, something a little sharp for a moment, before hanging up.


	9. Spaaaaaaaaaaaaace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a nice, peaceful call.

It was late when the call came, just after summer’s end, classes starting. There had been others, check ins, reports, a few times laughing over Zim’s messes- or, strangely, some times that almost sounded like Miz praising Zim, talking about how hard he’d had to fight, or how  _ well _ the Defect had planned something. And, well… Zim had changed. He was quieter, somehow, though no less prideful and loyal.

This call had none of that, just a light on their private viewscreen, and then Miz, back in the cockpit of the ship he had claimed, smiling softly with stars behind him.

“Miz! Are you… er…” Purple wasn’t sure what to make of the stars, and neither was Red. Was he off his planet? But he couldn’t reach them, still, he  _ couldn’t _ …

“Hey, Tíos. Don’t worry, I’m still in my own solar system,” Miz said, and they hadn’t missed the quick glance around, making sure that they were alone, that he could say things like that. “I asked the ship about what time you’d be hitting a down-cycle. I think I hit it?

Just in his own system- that was okay, then. They’d given him what he needed to leave the planet, after all, or at least leave easier. They just… hadn't expected this. “Yeah- this is basically off-duty,” Red agreed, motioning a little. Most of their armor was off, leaving just the robes- and if it hadn’t been Miz calling, they wouldn’t have answered, but no-one admitted to  _ that _ .

Miz smiled still, shifting his route a little. “Awesome. I got the core in a bit ago, and I’ve been tinkering with the engines, but… This is the first time I’ve been up. ...Without having to fight or anything…”

Had he… called them just to share this? Purple thought that might be the case, and knew his own smile was fairly soft. “You like the stars, don’t you?” he asked.

“And flight, probably- The  _ Massive _ is great- I guess you know  _ that _ \- but there’s nothing like piloting your own ship, is there?” Red agreed, also smiling. He hadn’t been off the  _ Massive _ in ages, and he missed it. But actually taking a ship out wasn’t… really an option. Though, maybe…

The human blushed a little, and nodded. “Yeah… I think the  _ Massive _ might be more fun in person, but… I’m really glad Tak’s ship isn’t fighting me any more…”

“Well, it’s not really  _ Tak’s _ ship anymore, though, Miz,” Red pointed out with a click. “I suppose her personality download is still there, but that doesn’t make it hers. I guess if you found her and you  _ wanted _ to give it back, if it would let you, but…”

“Those AI cores aren’t  _ stupid _ , Miz. Far from it,” Purple agreed, with a little chirping laugh. “It’s certainly chosen to serve you, now. Hm… not sure if that would be right of conquest, or repair- But of course it’s not  _ really _ either…”

Miz was staring at them, as he hadn’t for a long time, before looking down, at the dashboard. “...Oh,” he said after a moment. He gave his own little laugh, patting the yoke, before looking back up at them. “...I guess that… should have been an obvious one.”

  
They didn’t answer that, and he didn’t press for one, as they watched the stars outside his window. After a bit of time, he turned them so they could see his planet, and that was strange. It wasn’t the first they’d seen, of course, and it was honestly  _ not _ the first time they had seen  _ this _ one either. But for a moment, in the eternal darkness, they were struck with the idea of how  _ pretty _ the planet was.


	10. Needs more guts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning; some surgical gore. I think it's about level with Dark Harvest. Frank discussion of human organs by beings that don't quite get it. If that's too much, just skip this chapter, I'll summarize before the next one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all going to kill me. I know this. I didn't plan for this, not really. You're still gonna murder me.

The next call was not, in any way, anything they expected to see. It was nothing they had ever  _ hoped _ to see, and if anything, it was something they hoped never  _ to _ see.

The next call was from Zim, his back turned to them, and they didn’t even mind the insult when they saw more. His pak-legs were red with human blood, skin and viscera held out of the way as he worked- doing what they weren’t sure, and they wouldn’t care, only that was  _ Miz _ on his table.

“Zim! What are you  _ doing _ ?” Red asked, and he knew he had paled, though he’d hoped not to.

“Working,” Zim clicked, quieter and more focused than they had ever seen him. “ _ Stupid _ human organs,” he muttered a moment later, pak-leg bending down, laser on the end, as it burned part of the human. Miz was awake, they realized, or something like it, when he gave a low whimper. Zim growled at that, another leg pulling back with something sharp at its tip. Miz did relax when it stuck him, though.

“Working doing  _ what _ \- Zim…!” Purple asked, studying the exposed organs, muscle, bone- Miz was flayed open like- like a  _ donut box _ , and the Tallest was aware enough to know that didn’t quite make sense.

“Saving the life of my reason to stay away,” Zim answered, the growl still on the edges of his voice- but not directed at them, they realized. Of course not, he was ever loyal, but he had also never spoken to them like that before.

“S- saving?” Red asked, taking the first full breath he’d managed since the call started.

Zim glanced back and up at them, though he only spared the attention for a moment before doing something to an organ that looked like it was supposed to be pumping. “Aren’t you pleased Zim is away, my Tallest?” he answered a moment later, when he seemed to be just… watching Miz, for a bit, looking at all those organs, bones…

“What… happened to him, Zim?” Purple asked, softer, a true and honest question with no accusation. Zim hadn’t caused this- he wouldn’t be fixing it if he had.

“Not sure,” Zim answered, slipping things back in, apparently, now and then adding medical gel, or other such things. They hadn’t actually realized he knew how to put people back together, as well as taking them apart.

“Any number of things could have happened,” Zim added after a while, while the Tallest simply watched, utterly uncertain what to do. “Humans are quite fragile. Transport accidents, unarmed fights,  _ tripping _ … Zim has seen any of these kill. Though I suspect some kind of attack. He had quite a lot of bone in his lungs… Or maybe that would be an accident…”

Zim started fusing the ribs back into place, testing them now and then. He nodded, then glanced back over. “He will live, my Tallest. Computer, end call.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said. Murder. But Zim's not lying, Dib'll be okay, and this needed to happen!


	11. Don’t drink and drive, dummies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly dying comes with a price, as much as they try to minimize it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. That last week though. Despite my posting times, I am USA-based, and just... wow. So, here's a bit of attempted normalcy.  
> For those who skipped the last chapter- Dib required life-saving surgery, and Zim gave it, saying he was 'saving his reason to stay'. Zim called the Tallest to show them what was going on, but didn't really answer many questions. They were left very confused, and that's where we are.

Miz was, by almost all measures, back to normal the next time he called them, a couple days after Zim’s call, and the human’s operation. There were shadows under his eyes, a familiar sign of exhaustion, and his smile was a little twitchier than usual, but otherwise he seemed okay.

“Hey, Tíos… Mm. ...Zim said he told you… what happened?” Miz started out, and no, he wasn’t actually doing well. Purple frowned a bit, and nodded.

“He… did… he called us while he was working on you, actually…” Purple answered, and they were enough in private that concern could show. “What… What did…?”

It wasn’t that they hadn’t seen worse, really- of course they had! They checked on their scientists on a regular basis! But… well, Purple had the right of it when he claimed they liked Miz, and Zim hadn’t been lying. Miz had almost died- probably had, technically, considering what a ‘heart’ was and where most of the damage had seemed to be.

“Drunk driver,” Miz answered, with a little hollow smile. “I was out a little late, noticed a car driving erratically… I did try to avoid it! It didn’t work…” A hand stole up, rubbing his chest, before he glanced around and took off his shirt, exposing more pale brownish human skin. “I’m okay, though, see?”

“A… ‘car’...” Red echoed- obviously a human vehicle, and likely around the size of a Voot or Spittle runner, just because those were the basic size of personal-use craft through the universe. Even accounting for slower terrestrial speeds… “How did he find you- Why did Zim  _ help _ you, Miz?”

“Miz- are you  _ sure _ you’re okay? Physically- yes, obviously, but… you’ve only had a few years of training!” Purple added, frowning. And those were human years, a bit shorter than Irken.

Brown eyes flicked, almost like antennae, as Miz looked between them, and then he shrugged, rubbing a new scar over his chest- apparently the surgery had taken too long for even their medicine to fully heal that. That was horrible.

Finally, Miz sighed, before motioning a little at Red. “He knows he’s making you happy by staying away- you’ve been nicer on calls, he says. I- look, I don’t- I can’t- No, I can’t let him destroy Earth, but I can’t just… _ stay _ there. Like a  _ prisoner _ . And yeah, if I leave for  _ too _ long, of course I’ll come back to something horrible, but if I’m really gone, he won’t have an excuse to stay away, and- ugh, I wasn’t going to get into this…”

He’d chosen that question over Purple’s, though, which also said a lot. The Tallest let it go, for now. “So… it’s like… a game, but- You’ve got a  _ proper _ rivalry going?” Red asked, since this was kind of his conversation.

“...Something like that, Tío?” Miz agreed after a moment. He held up a hand to show a strap around his wrist, some kind of multi-device, likely. “I have a button to let him know when I can fight, or stuff. And he lets me know when his plan is near-ish complete… I mean, we still spy on each other, of course. ...I… knew I wasn’t doing well after getting hit, I tried to make it to base, but…” And there was horror behind his eyes.

“That was really, really clever, Miz,” Purple said, softly. Bones in the lungs, lungs were gas exchange… Only Irkens didn’t need to breathe, not like that, not continuously, and their paks could supply what they did need from almost any source. Still- slowly dying.  _ That _ was comprehensible enough. “...Rivals can be some of the strongest allies… Miz. Do you have anyone to talk with? Apart from Zim, probably…”

“We… get all kinds of training to deal with stuff like this,” Red agreed. At a flicker of curiosity, he shrugged. “We weren’t  _ always _ Tallest. We weren’t training to be  _ Invaders _ , but we were still in training, still Elites! And temporary death is really decently common for us-” Oh, that had been the wrong thing to say. Miz’s eyes got even bigger, and his breath started hitching, and Red cursed at himself under his breath.

“Oh,  _ Irk _ … Miz- Miz! Hey, hey, don’t think about it. Talk to me, here- Er… the paint! How’s the paint- or the d- fabric? Yeah, how are you… getting colors-” Purple felt very distinctly at a loss, but the questions  _ did _ seem to startle Miz at least a little bit.

“P- paint? How’s the… paint…?” Miz asked, though he was still pressing on the scar, and his breath was still coming pretty fast.

Purple nodded encouragingly. “Yeah. The paint. That you were going to make skin-safe even though makeup is a thing.”

  
That started a whole rant about heavy metals, pigments, and skin, with more than a few disparaging comments about Membrane- which was a good sign, as far as that went. In the meantime, Red was taking a look at finding someone to actually  _ talk _ with Miz- and quite likely Zim, who was certainly behaving oddly, for a Defective. It was starting to seem like they needed a more objective report on this planet!


	12. Bugs make good therapists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Nisil! Yes, she's an OC, yes I love her, but don't worry, Dib is still the focus.

This time, the call from Zim’s base was expected, even welcome. It was  _ not _ Zim calling, after all. No, this was a  _ smaller _ Irken- Zim was tiny, but not the smallest. Just the smallest to be an Invader, just like this one was the smallest to reach  _ her _ rank.

“My Tallest,” she greeted. “Auditor Nisil, ready to deliver initial report.” She didn’t hunch, but she also wasn’t  _ stretching _ , and she wore a light smile, which, since she was speaking with  _ them _ , actually touched her green eyes. And absolutely no-one paid any notice to Zim behind her, screeching about something or other.

“Ah, Nisil- yes, how’s it going?” Purple asked, quite pleased to see her. Auditors were some of the very few Irkens who found a small size  _ useful _ in their job, while also having a somewhat  _ important _ job, but it was still so, so strange to see. Even  _ Zim _ was nearly twice her height!

“Quite well, my Tallest. I have not yet made contact with primary target Miz, deeming it more efficient to watch him and learn more from my… host, Zim.” Nisil’s antennae twitched towards the screeching, and she wasn’t able to hide her amusement- it was perfectly obvious that Zim was  _ not _ pleased to have her. “As well, this allows me some little time to adjust to this planet. It is… quite odd, my Tallest.

Red laughed a little, nodding. “We’ve seen that, actually. Mostly heard it, of course. Time to adjust makes perfect sense, and, well, Zim  _ has _ managed there for a while now.” She wasn’t really under any time-limit, either.

“He has- he’s actually been… quite  _ helpful _ , my Tallest. I am surprised- I suspect atmospheric conditions of some kind, but Zim has been exceedingly calm- he only yelled at me and locked me out for a local hour.” It was shocking, and Nisil made no effort to hide that.

“Whoa… Okay, if you can find out  _ what _ those conditions are, that would be great too,” Purple broke in, antennae down. “Anything on Miz yet?”

“He needs quite a lot of help, of course, my Tallest. It seems Zim, secondarily, and  _ you _ , my Tallest, were the first to validate him at all. And this environment is quite detrimental to him, though that is cultural. It’s really quite fascinating!” She smiled, excited.

“You are not going to be able to explore- you are the size of a human  _ toddler _ . A  _ smeet _ ,” Zim broke in, approaching Nisil but not getting too close. He clearly knew about Auditors. “And Dib-thing will  _ not _ allow any of your usual  _ tricks _ . My Tallest-”

“She’s not there for  _ you _ , Zim,” Purple said, cutting off the oncoming rant. “What you and Miz do is  _ entirely _ up to you and Miz! Great Irk- you’re staying there- you’re doing good- and didn’t she just say you might have stumbled on a way to help  _ others _ like you?” That caught Zim entirely off-guard, and he shut up, clicking a little.

Nisil’s antennae moved forward in silent thanks, and she sighed, shifting a bit. “...My size  _ is _ more of a detriment than usual. May I have your permission to use various impermanent tricks to appear  _ slightly _ more human-normal height, my Tallest?”

She was, to be quite honest, not  _ that _ much larger than an  _ Irken _ smeet, and so neither Tallest had any problems nodding. “In pursuit of information gathering related to your primary purpose of visitation, I  _ suppose _ ,” Red agreed.

“I will not hurt any humans unless I am attacked, mission is compromised, or Miz gives active permission, my Tallest,” Nisil added- though that was mostly for Zim’s benefit, based on how her antennae flickered, and Purple hid a smile. Interestingly, it  _ did _ calm the Defect- there really  _ did _ seem to be something in the air!

“Great! And when do you plan to make contact with Miz?” Red asked.

“Likely tomorrow- He may well call you. Ah- he is… strange, my Tallest, and…”

“We’ll make sure it’s private, of course,” Purple said, because yes- this would probably make Miz mad, even though they  _ really _ weren’t sure why! Nisil relaxed a little at the assurance, and nodded.

  
“That sounds great. Glad to see you’re settling in, Nisil. And… We’ll make sure you get a bit more in your next shipment, Zim, since you  _ are _ hosting her,” Red said, nodding. That got a startled sound from Zim, and then both he and Nisil saluted before the call ended, leaving them with a bit to think about.


	13. We’ll even pack bond with alien scum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib does not understand or appreciate mental help.

As anticipated, Miz’s next call, only a few days later, showed an angry human. “ _ You _ -” he started, before cutting off with something that wasn’t quite a click, and looking around what he could see of where they were. They had, actually, been keeping themselves as available as possible for Miz, and not thinking too much about why they were doing any of this, and so they were currently in their quarters, on the couch.

“You sent me a  _ shrink _ ?” Miz finished, once he had made sure it was safe. He pulled back and shook his head as soon as he was done, though. “I- I mean a  _ psych _ \- it’s just slang, I’m not…” Between that and the check, though, his anger was already fading- that wasn’t good. Not that they wanted him angry with them, but it was healthier than this!

“She  _ is _ very tiny. Beyond tiny, really,” Purple agreed. That got Miz to start a bit, before giving a guilty little laugh. “And she’s not actually there  _ just _ because of you. I don’t think. Unless you’re part of why Zim is… being… weird…”

“Which, obviously you are, but  _ before _ that, when this all started,” Red filled in. “And we wanted an independent report.”

“Incidentally, don’t worry about talking bad about us to her- she’s used to hearing stuff like that, and we’ve told her  _ not _ to take offense,” Purple added.

“I woul- I mean-” Miz frowned, then rubbed his chest again in what might well be a developing tick. Nisil probably wouldn’t let it develop fully, though. “I still can’t believe you fucking- er-”

“Oooh, are you old enough to curse now?” Purple asked, beaming. Sexual acts were a fairly common choice for curses, especially when the speaker didn’t really have a deity, they had found.

“Auditor Nisil can help you, too. Advise you on things when you don’t want to bother us. Suggest ways to successfully isolate- you’re on isolation, right?”

Miz frowned again, before brightening and nodding a little. “Yea- well. Kinda. I’m still… young. I  _ shouldn’t _ be cursing, but- I’ve at least got a pretty good sense of where the information lines are, and I’m starting to insert myself. It’ll be easier next year-” And there was the shadow back, his breath catching, but late smeet-hood was about the right time to start realizing that death could happen.

“Well, there you go,” Red said, nodding. “You’ve got a plan, you’re still moving, and you’ve got help. You’re not  _ alone _ , Miz. Even if we  _ are _ just ‘alien scum’...” He laughed, as did Purple, and it was enough for Miz to grin again, though he was red, embarrassed.

“Wow… that was only two years ago, huh? ...I  _ am _ still… coming…” Miz said, which got nods. He paused a moment, though, frowning again. “Hey. Tíos. If I… If something… changes, and you… decide to stop… this… Well, I guess I could ask Zim that, too, and he’s actually here, and-”

“We’re not going to, Miz,” Purple said, a slight note of urgency in his voice. He thought, maybe, he knew what Miz had sort of been trying to ask. “I mean… you’re smart, and… fun. And we’re Irken, just like Zim is- yeah, he’s Defective, but that’s just… you know, plans, and thoughts, not…”

“We’ve put too much effort into this to just  _ leave _ . And you’re  _ still _ doing us a service, I could have sworn we covered this,” Red added, dismissive of the entire idea. In this case, it seemed to be the right thing to do, as Miz brightened again, straightening.

“Right. ...You’re right, Tíos. Tak didn’t really give up either, so… Of course you wouldn’t. And I won’t either.”

“You’d better not,” Purple agreed, nodding. It was enough for another smile from the human, and then the call ended- Miz was tired, and they didn’t blame him in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. Most of you probably noticed I'm in the USA. And this Wednesday is Inauguration. So... I _might_ skip updating on the 20th. If I do, that's why. Otherwise, I'll be posting to distract myself. Any way, thank-you for reading, I will update next Monday for sure.


	14. What's a little gene modding between friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib's accident continues to affect him, and he makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy last-week-wasn't-terrible! Sorry I didn't get this up quite as early as usual, but at least it's up on the right day. Enjoy!

At some point during their calls, Miz had started to wear- well, they couldn’t really call it  _ Irken _ clothing, considering much about it was purely human in sensibilities. Like the color- black was fine, where had  _ electric blue _ come in? It crossed Miz’s shirt in narrow lines, and as often as not he wore a larger, fully human shirt over that, but the black and blue thing… that was clearly modeled from Zim’s uniforms, in parts of the fit.

They weren’t certain, without review, just  _ when _ this change had happened, and it really didn’t matter. It was just more noticeable now, with nothing at all over it, and paired with black gloves which seemed to be missing their fingers. Against the white of the background- Miz was in his lab again- the darker colors really stood out, and so did his nerves.

“So… Well, I’m pretty sure how this is gonna sound to you, but… Zim actually… brought up a good idea, Tíos. ...Or, well. An idea I think  _ might _ be good? Nisil  _ has _ said she’s willing, too, though…”

Red cut him off with a little click of semi-polite disbelief. “Did you say  _ Zim _ had a  _ good _ idea, Miz? Is this translator working?”

“My pronunciation’s not great, but you haven’t needed a translator for most of a year- no, more than that, Tíos…” Miz answered, a half-smile on his face despite the nerves. “Though I suppose you might not want to subject yourself to my accent…”

“Yeah, I’m still confused by how you do the clicks…” Purple agreed, nodding. “Well… whatever. What  _ is _ this… ‘good idea’ Zim supposedly had?” If it were anyone but Miz, they would have discounted it out of hand- but if it were anyone but Miz, Zim wouldn’t be taken seriously in the first place.

The nerves returned full force, Miz shifting a shoulder in a human shrug. “...Most, or at least many, of the main dangers I… actually face here are… well, ones that will… break bones.” His hand twitched, but no, Nisil hadn’t let the twitch develop, and there was nothing more than that. “Especially given as I  _ do _ fight Zim hand to hand… fairly often, actually…” He looked past them, frowning, just for a second.

Red’s antennae shifted towards Miz a little, both of them a touch more serious. “Okay. I’m sure you know your dangers well enough. So, what are you  _ asking _ , Miz?” Red said, still smiling.

“Well, Zim had- that… doesn’t matter. But I know he-  _ you _ \- have ways of… making bones stronger…” Oh, he  _ was _ nervous, missing most of Red’s  _ real _ message there. But Miz was still fairly young, largely untrained, and had to do all his thinking with just one brain!

“We do,” Purple agreed, nodding before giving his own shrug, shoulders and antennae both. “Miz- clarity.”

Miz blinked, and then he swallowed and straightened. “I… I’m making a formal request for… leave to… genetically modify myself to… better fulfill my… mission? ...Tíos? Ah- under the watch of- well, let’s just… say Nisil…”

Purple clapped, while Red nodded. “There- and absolutely. Though, really, it’s under your own watch, Miz,” he said. That cracked Miz’s formality enough for the human to frown, giving a sliding high sound they knew was questioning.

“Ah- Tíos. I’m… a human. I’m- pretty sure I don’t… have the  _ standing _ to… watch anything like that?” he pointed out, certainly confused but also politely.

“Yeah, but… you’re  _ our _ human, Miz,” Purple answered. “And you’re already taller than Nisil, though it’s not quite the same thing in her case…” Auditors weren’t  _ outside _ the height lines, but it also didn’t matter  _ as _ much to them.

“And if we  _ say _ you can do something, or have standing, why are you  _ questioning _ us, Miz?” Red added, and it  _ almost _ sounded severe, but Miz knew them well enough to catch that it was mostly teasing, and only a little advice behind it.

“Your- Oh.” Miz was still doing that thing where he didn’t quite look at them, something humans did a  _ lot _ when thinking. It didn’t last long, focus snapping back to them as he nodded, the same little almost-bow he’d done a few times. “I… believe I understand, Tíos. Thank you.” And the gratitude was real, just like the anger from so long ago was entirely gone.

“We  _ will _ suggest you listen to her advice, of course. And… well, Zim  _ did _ do okay with g-mods, so…” Red shrugged again, but it was true. Zim wasn’t likely to intentionally sabotage this, and Miz seemed smart enough to catch most things, while Nisil would probably find all of this great fun. It could be a lot worse!

“Of course, Tíos! I- again. Thanks. I… that was… really all, so…” They waved permission, and the screen went dark.


	15. How dare you leave the party Gir worked so hard on? You jerk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a party, and parties mean presents.

It didn’t stop with the bones, of course. They had known when authorizing the g-mods that their Miz would never stop with just  _ bones _ . It was all he had  _ finished _ , but they had seen Nisil’s reports, and she had soothed their worries as much as they had soothed hers. Miz would never take the modifications far enough to be classified as anything but a hybrid, and certainly not without active guidance on that.

By the time they called- again on Miz’s emergence day, his third since they had known him, though only a little more than two by their count, Miz had completed his better bones and was working on muscles. It was all very interesting, probably, but not really to  _ them _ .

What  _ was _ interesting to them was the hat Miz was wearing, a conical thing with flecks of color on it, and the way he smiled at them. “Hola, Tíos. I wondered if- ah, thought you might… call.” He looked the same, or at least close enough. A bit broader, maybe, and  _ maybe _ his skin was slightly different, but that was probably them looking for changes, and could very easily be from the lights.

“Miz! What- is that on your  _ head _ …?” Red greeted, asking, and very confused.

Miz blinked, reaching up, before ducking. “Er. It’s a… party hat. I’m- I should-”

“No, no, you’re fine!” Purple said, stopping Miz’s effort to take the hat off. “This isn’t a formal call, after all- are you having a party?” Obviously he  _ was _ , and that seemed to be an improvement over the last few years.

“...I am… we are. Zim, Nisil, and… well, my sister Gaz came, but I think that’s mostly because Zim agreed to let her play in the simulations. ...When she sets records, I’ll just tell you right now, don’t bother. She’s not interested in anything but games, doesn’t care who you are, and will literally tell you that to your faces…”

They did have some reports of this ‘sister’, and so just nodded, taking Miz’s word for it. “Pity, but… You’re more interesting, anyway,” Red agreed.

"Though, there  _ are _ remote ships… If you want to try making an offer…" Purple suggested, laughing when Miz made a face.

"Tíos! You said this  _ isn't  _ formal. I'm having a  _ party _ , and Nisil says that even people with an active mission are entitled to  _ some _ recreation!" Miz semi-chided, playfully. He paused just a moment on the word people, because of course what she'd said had been 'invaders', but the sentiment was basically the same.

They laughed, nodding and smiling. It was good to joke, as long as he were aware of the time and place, and Miz  _ had _ been, ever since they'd brought it up. "Fine, if you're gonna insist, Miz," Purple agreed. "That does remind us, though…"

Red nodded, pressing some buttons. "You seem to have things worked out as far as earth goes… Especially once you hit implementation…"

"But you  _ are _ likely enough to need things you can't get on your planet, so…" Purple watched as Irken characters were reflected in Miz's lenses. The human didn't immediately respond- He had shown, before, that he needed a moment more for processing than an Irken did. "Happy Emergence, Miz," Purple said, smiling gently.

"Seriously- Zim still gets paid, and this isn't even much," Red added, also smiling. It really wasn't, even with the estimated height bonus.

"You- Tíos, you…" Miz frowned, confused- and then relaxed. "Thank you." The account had been opened when they thought about it- they had just waited to show it, and Miz was finally starting to accept things.

The call didn't last very much longer- they did have stuff to do, and the faulty SIR showed up to drag Miz back to the party, and overall it was… pleasant. Even when they made a note to get Zim something to forestall jealousy.


	16. They’re called tillandsias and you should have one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tallest are introduced to yet another of earth's oddities.

They were looking at a box, not entirely sure what to make of it. Normally, they would have never even seen it, considering that it was from a nearly-unknown planet, and a nominally hostile one at that, but the names had been enough to bring it to them. That still didn’t explain why Miz had sent them anything! Nisil’s name at least explained  _ how _ he had…

Before they had to wonder too long, the Auditor called them, from someplace new on Earth. There was green and brown, as well as something white in piles. Nisil was in disguise- not a very good one, most likely, but it only needed to be good enough to fool people, and as Zim had proven that a wig and contacts was all that was needed, she had apparently embraced that. She was sitting on a little bench, with some candy, and nodded when she saw them, since her antennae were covered.

“My Tallest,” she greeted, before waving a little at the area around her. “I do believe I may have discovered a part of the answer regarding my secondary mission. As I believe you have been told, humans are fairly primitive. As such, they have not removed the extraneous lifeforms from their planet- But I believe this is… helpful. Both in their case and the cases of… some others…”

There was no need for her to specify what she meant by ‘other cases’, but they  _ were _ intrigued by the idea of extraneous lifeforms proving useful. “Howso, Nisil?” Purple asked, before holding up the box. “Is it any relation to this?”

“It is, my Tallest,” she agreed, before continuing, “It’s- this is a park. Humans have many of them, and Miz has said that these spaces help to soothe humans. He’s begun adding more in the laboratories of, ah, Professor Membrane, and allowed me to observe. Attached are my full notes, but suffice it to say, it does in fact soothe them.”

“That… doesn’t explain the box, Nisil,” Red pointed out, though he knew she was working up to it. It was still funny to see her start a bit!

“Ah- sorry, my Tallest,” Nisil said, ducking just a bit. “Ah- that was mostly Miz’s idea. Zim has been coming to these parks fairly often, and… Miz and I both wondered what effect such plants may have on healthy Irkens. I do believe he wrote an explanation- he knows more about such things, as expected.”

“... _ Plants _ ? You helped Miz send us…” Purple’s antennae went back in mild annoyance, before he started opening the box. It was weird, and not procedure at all, but Miz  _ was _ trying to help them, the curiosity was likely harmless, and it wasn’t like they couldn’t get rid of these things when they proved pointless! Or maybe even keep them anyway, if they weren’t much to deal with.

There was the barest pause before Nisil nodded, grinning. “Yes, my Tallest. I… believe I have noticed a… lightening of my mood in these parks myself, and… I assure you, those are quite easy to care for.” She paused a moment, and then spoke quietly, “Also, if Miz were here, I believe he would point out that we  _ do _ eat plants, and so, by his standard, they’re not extraneous.”

“Yeah, but we’re not eating  _ these _ ,” Purple complained, pulling out one of the weird green shapes. Honestly, they weren’t that far off in shade from skin, which was… weird.

“Yeah, we’re… really not,” Red agreed, and  _ he _ pulled out a note. It was  _ handwritten _ , in Irken, which was a momentary surprise. They hadn’t seen such a thing in ages, and the writing wasn’t the best. For a second language, learnt the old, slow way, it wasn’t bad, though, maybe.

The note was about the plants- ‘air-plants’, he called them, explaining that they did best in certain temperatures, needed some kind of light and dark cycle, the occasional soak in slightly ionized water, and sprayed with a nutrition formula, which he had included, as well as the actual formula needed. Apparently, Miz had chosen these because they didn’t need dirt, and that  _ was _ nice to know.

There were also instructions for propagation, and other such things, but overall… well, it  _ would _ be easy to place them, and assign a drone to care for them…

“Alright, Nisil, you can stop looking hopeful now,” Red commented, setting one of the plants on the table. “We’ll give this a try, okay?” If anything else, maybe this would help with oxygen- plants did that, right?

Nisil giggled a little, and nodded. “Thank you, my Tallest. I believe Miz will be quite pleased with your reaction to his gift, as well. ...He’s doing quite a lot better, as well.”

  
“Oh, that’s good. He really is quite young, isn’t he? But progressing admirably!” Purple said, letting the topic change. There wasn’t that much Nisil would tell them- she said telling them some things would break the trust she had with Miz, or worse, the trust  _ he _ had in  _ them _ . The conversation was short after that, and they were left with a box of weird Earth plants and only some idea of just what to  _ do _ with them. Overall, though, it was… not terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also; I wasn't able to say it, but Nisil's wig is black with pigtails and she looks SUPER CUTE. At least to humans. The Tallest were busy and didn't notice, but I wanted it known. She's got looking like a human toddler down pat.


	17. Just wanted to make sure you’re still alive, you know

The rest of the skool-year, and much of the summer, were filled with normal reports, from all three of the possible callers on Earth. There was also, of course, the usual business of running the Empire, but that was routine enough that it didn’t even need to be mentioned.

Miz was talking about that ridiculous paint, about fabric, and he had introduced the viewscreen technology at a much cheaper price than Membrane offered. It wasn’t officially in his name, he said, because human smeets got  _ no _ recognition for anything they did, but unofficially, everyone knew  _ he _ had done it.

Zim, in his reports, still gave the same ridiculous plans for conquest, but he also talked about how Miz had stopped making a spectacle of them at skool, or in the streets. He also seemed to have returned to inventing things, and not  _ just _ for war, and said that Gaz had even been willing to get him a legal presence- they weren’t sure they understood that, because it wasn’t something Invaders had really needed before, but he wasn’t destroying their fleet or threatening the Empire, and was even almost fun to talk with now.

Nisil went on about validation, asked about the plants, and even suggested that maybe another Defect be sent, to test things. She was also the one who went for a walk without her disguise one day, just to see what would happen- with a myriad of escape routes ready, of course. No-one noticed, she said, only she wished she hadn’t done it, because Miz was back to a funk.

Said ‘funk’ seemed to have passed by now- Miz was on screen, going over his plan for incorporating proper Irken lenses into his current weird human ones. Not replacing his eyes, which  _ maybe _ made sense- but really, they hadn’t even  _ noticed _ the lenses before, not really, not that they were  _ separate _ .

“I figure I need to wear these already, so I might as  _ well _ get better use out of them. The only downside is letting Zim or Nisil at me with a scalpel…” Miz said, laughing.

“Ah, think you skipped a step there, Miz. Why are scalpels involved again?” Purple asked, munching on some chips.

“Did I? Ah- sorry, Tío. It’s for changing the input modes, and enabling me to actually interpret what I see better,” Miz answered. “I’ll need… some… connection with my brain. That’s what the main cable on your implants do- or does that technically connect with the pak- er. Guess it doesn’t  _ really _ matter right now…”

“Considering as Zim’s your  _ rival _ , doesn’t it make more sense to go with Nisil?” Red pointed out, nodding a bit at the explanation. An automatic mental connection  _ was _ the best way to go.

Miz shrugged. “She doesn’t have as much experience with human brains. And that’s  _ without _ going into  _ why _ she knows what she does…” He gave a wry smile, but there was truth to it- Auditors could work as medics, but they certainly tended to be more bloodthirsty than ideal for that. Why that mattered in surgery, when he was already  _ telling _ her his deepest, darkest fears, the Tallest really didn’t know, or care to know.

“Well, you’ll have to figure that out. Are you going to go with a hard connection, or not? -And did I see  _ claws _ , Miz?” Purple smiled, very much hoping that the human  _ had _ added more. It was good to see him trusting what they had said!

“Ah… no, I don’t quite think I can get away with a hard connection, so it’s gotta be well-shielded wireless. And a failsafe to revert to normal if anything goes wrong…” Miz answered, fading from the conversation for just a moment before pulling himself back and holding up a hand. “I got tired of Zim being the only one to draw blood like that. Nails are okay, but your skin’s tougher, so… Even though I  _ do _ have to keep them short…”

“Why?” Red asked.

When Miz didn’t immediately answer, Purple filled in, “Yeah. Nisil- ah. You know, no-one really noticed  _ her _ , and… claws are pretty minor, Miz…”

“ _ You _ noticed them,” Miz shot back, a flare of temper they hadn’t seen in a while. He dropped his head immediately, shaking it. “I mean- of course you did…”

“We’re  _ looking _ for these things, Miz,” Purple said- and was that part of the ‘funk’, then? Miz very much didn’t seem as chipper or resilient as he should be, even with his youth.

“And if we weren’t, even  _ we _ might overlook them,” Red agreed, because really, claws were such a  _ tiny _ thing. Almost as tiny as Zim!

Miz relaxed, rubbing the back of his neck. “...Yeah. Okay, you’re right. As  _ always _ , Tíos- yes, I’m learning.” He smiled a little at that. “...I’ll reconsider a hard connection, as well. But… I mean, it’s just hard to  _ sleep _ with glasses!” This smile was much more real, and they both nodded. From what they could see of the lenses, they wouldn’t be comfortable for sleeping, which was  _ why _ they were usually implanted, of course.

“Well, it’s not like you can’t change your mind,” Purple said, shrugging nonchalantly before grabbing more chips.

“Or your lenses.”

“Ooh, you should make them have a solid option. For when you come for us!”

“Oh, yeah. Brown would look interesting…” Red grinned- maybe they should try adding that to genetic options for smeets?

“Of course, Tíos. I already planned on that,” Miz agreed, with a little laugh. “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.”

“Of course, Miz! Bye!” Purple waved as the screen went dark, and then looked in disappointment at his empty chip bag. On the upside, the plant sitting on the table in an old cup seemed to be doing well!


	18. Just wait ‘till they hear about giraffes...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nisil tries to warn them.

Shortly after skool started for Miz, Nisil called, seeming concerned. She was in Zim’s lab this time, which housed a few native plants of its own, and she was just a little paler than usual.

“My Tallest. I’ve delayed this call until I had more evidence, ah-” She paused, waiting for them to ask more- or possibly calming herself.

“...Evidence of…?” Red prompted.

Nisil took a breath, then nodded. “Humans are  _ tall _ , my Tallest. Of course we are all aware of that, and the tallest I have seen does not match  _ you _ , my Tallest. ...However, he  _ is _ Miz’s genetic donor- by more than I anticipated.” She pressed a few buttons, sending that report.

“Okay… but Membrane is human,” Purple said, only glancing at said report.

“Yes, my Tallest. But Miz  _ isn’t _ \- entirely. He’s only in Elite range now, but he  _ has _ discussed ‘growing pains’...” She frowned a bit at that, and Purple clicked.

“I remember that call. He asked us for suggestions,” Purple said.

Red nodded. “Yeah. Not that there’s very much that can be done about them…”

“But what’s the worry, Nisil?”

“Yeah, he’s still not  _ Irken _ \- and even if he was, you said his donor is still shorter than us, and his other donor had to have been smaller still…”

“Not  _ that _ much smaller, my Tallest. And Miz is hybrid-” Nisil paused, clicking, before admitting, “It’s enough to send  _ my _ instincts weird…”

“You just found out who his donor was, didn’t you, Nisil?” Purple asked.

“Don’t  _ worry _ , Nisil. You said in Elite range? That’s still a long ways from  _ us _ . And he’s almost at the end of his growth period, right? That’s what your report here says…” Red said, reading.

“Yeah- I mean, how much can a human grow in one of their years? I mean, we’ll keep aware of it…” Purple said.

“...Maybe we  _ should _ make something official, though…” Red suggested.

Purple brightened. “Oooh! We haven’t done that in ages! ...Actually, have  _ we _ ever done that?”

“Ah… don’t think so,” Red answered.

A polite throat-clearing drew their attention back to Nisil, who looked less calmed than anticipated. “My Tallest- ah. If you are  _ certain _ you have this in hand…”

“Which of  _ course _ we do, Nisil,” Purple said.

“Then I supposed I shall simply recommend some more simulations for him…” she agreed, sighing. She seemed  _ doubtful _ , which was aggravating, but not fully disrespectful, and she was of course accepting their judgement.

“Hey, yeah. It’s a pity he can’t just download everything…” Red agreed.

“But this should make his next Emergence Day special!” Purple said, with a wide grin. Nisil made a  _ sound _ , before nodding again, and they barely noticed as she ended the call.


	19. It’s like a sweet sixteen, but with more aliens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib's finally coming for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter- so bittersweet. I'm touched by how many readers enjoyed this, and I love every single comment. Thank you for sticking with me.

This wasn’t a call at all. Miz was finally making good on his promise to come to the  _ Massive _ , to find them and deal with them. Of course, he wouldn’t have to look hard- the Tallest had come down to the docking bay to meet him, and neither of them would admit to being the  _ slightest _ bit nervous.

The Spittle Runner was… honestly, not even deserving of that name any more, it had been modified so  _ very _ heavily, and much of it by someone with very different aesthetic tastes. And as the door opened, the drones, who had moved in to start cleaning and such, sort of rippled back en masse, though from there they couldn’t see  _ why _ .

All they could see was legs, at first, until Miz came around the engines, looking around with nearly the same open wonder he had shown on the first call, or in the stars. It was so genuine that it took them a long moment to realize that his head was even with their  _ collarbones _ as he approached.

“Tíos! Hi- ah. Am I… supposed to salute or- no-one would really answer that- er. Are you- do I have something on my face…?” Miz rubbed at his face, then turned to check behind him, and  _ yes _ , they were staring, but-

“You got  _ tall _ , Miz,” Purple managed, never quite as concerned with image. He swept forward, catching Red by his elbow to pull him along. They started circling Miz, and to his credit he didn’t turn very much, letting them look.

“You got…  _ really _ tall…” Red agreed, lowering enough to stand- that brought Miz’s head to his chin, and it was just  _ weird _ .

“Ah… Nisil said she reported that, Tíos. I mean, I’m still shorter than Membrane, and he’s shorter than you- and I’m probably done growing. This… last foot caught us all by surprise…” Miz answered- and up close they could see he had added antennae, as well, mostly hidden in his hair. His pronunciation had improved as well, likely a modification to his tongue. None of that really  _ mattered _ , though…

“Yeah, but… you’re  _ so _ tall…” Purple said, before breaking out into a smile. “Well, that’s certainly not going to  _ hurt _ anything!”

“But has anyone  _ else _ grown?” Red added, and it was mostly a tease.

Miz shrugged, motioning behind him a little. Nisil and Zim  _ had _ come as well, with the Auditor following Zim closely to try and prevent, or at least minimize, incidents. “I think Zim did, a little, but only like, two inches? Maybe three? He hasn’t grown since last year- earth years- so he’s probably done now too…”

“Oh. That’s not bad, then,” Red said, lifting off the floor again and waving just a little at the Defect, who smiled and saluted back, exactly as he ought.

  
“We’ll have to keep a bit of a watch on that,” Purple said, nodding.

“But we’ve got more important things to do now!” Red added, reaching back and tugging Miz forward. The human stumbled, but caught up quickly.

“The uniform looks good- is blue just… your color?” Purple asked, settling on the other side of Miz as they left the docks.

“Ah- yeah, more or less- Tíos? Dare I ask where we’re going? I’m still not sure how you convinced skool  _ or _ Membrane to let me, er… take a study-abroad month?” That was the story, and it wasn’t like Miz wasn’t going to learn  _ so _ much more here than he could on earth!

“Does it matter?” Red asked in reply. It wasn’t far from the hanger to the assembly area they were using- usually it was the staging ground for Organic Sweeps, but it was close and useful.

“Okay, see the stage? Well, of course you do- stay on the step below us until we say otherwise- and don’t worry, you’re not going to mess anything up,” Purple said, suddenly, pointing through the door before letting go of Miz. The hybrid made some confused noises, but they didn’t worry about that, sweeping along the walkway to ascend the stage.

“Hey, everyone! Okay, so you’ve gotta be wondering what amazing thing we have planned for you today!” Red called, cameras focusing on them and the assembled crew saluting. They could see on the cameras Miz stopping at about the middle of the lower stage, before following Purple’s hand-motion to circle around a bit. The whole thing was a ring, around their circular stage, and it would look better if he were more visible.

Of course, he was already very visible, wearing mostly black, a coat much like his old one over a shirt- this time blue and black, striping closer to standard instead of reversed. It was good, too, because that was the only color the hybrid wore, apart from some blue lining on his coat.

“And you’re probably wondering ‘why is there an inferior species standing there?’, too,” Purple said.

“But you’re wrong!”

“You see, sometimes, it turns out that not  _ all _ of an inferior species is actually, well. Inferior!”

Red motioned to Miz, who seemed to be doing his best not to react- or maybe laugh? “Like him! He has been doing us a great service for years now- more than one, it turns out!”

“Not  _ only _ has he been a splendid rival to Zim, keeping both his planet  _ and _ city  _ intact _ for the whole mission, he has _ also _ been cause for us discovering the soothing property of plants!”

“Who would have expected  _ that _ , huh?” Red added. “And we know many of you have already benefited from both these services!”

“Based on these, and the fact that his aims do not conflict with our own-  _ and _ he’s tall!- we have decided to, for the first time since Tallest Miyuki, give our official recognition to another!”

“So please, welcome the new- and probably only- Droit! Miz, whadda ya say?” While Red spoke, Purple was motioning again, and Miz only paused a moment. The pause quite likely was because he didn’t expect this at all, which of course had been the whole point.

“Er- thank-you, Tíos? ...Am I… still allowed…” He stepped up, and there were audible gasps as the assembled Irkens were forced to realize just how tall Miz  _ was _ .

“Well, of course you can. We authorized that  _ ages _ ago, why would it change?” Purple answered, smiling.

“Okay- so what  _ is _ this…?” The question was soft, as though Miz weren’t perfectly aware that they had these kinds of conversations in public all the time.

Red shrugged, waving randomly for the cameras. “It’s  _ standing _ , Miz. We’ll need to deal with a symbol, and other stuff, but now you can go wherever- Nisil can explain later, okay?”

“Oh, and hey- happy Emergence Day, Droit Miz!” Purple said.

Miz started, making a sound in the back of his throat before looking around. “Tíos- I swear, you- of course you did. Of course.” He sighed, then gave a little nodding bow to each of them. “Thank you, Tíos. For everything.”

The grinned back, waving, as the message was sent to their stars.


End file.
